I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
