yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
