So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
