I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
