1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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