Rock
Scissors
Fuck
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
