It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
