i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
