i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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