There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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