she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
