He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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