I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
