my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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