I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
