I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
