1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
