We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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