After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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