He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
