dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
