I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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