Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Two words: blizzard sex
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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