Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
