Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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