i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am one with the molecules
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
