How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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