wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
