why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
