I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Quick, to the slutcave!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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