If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize