So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
