I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
