The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
