2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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