He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
They took my balls.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Randomize
