hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
