dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
