How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
