U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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