So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
