swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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