I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
