how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
50% drunk capacity currently
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
