your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
