You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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