I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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