so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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