She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
