Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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