I'm drive I can fine osifer
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
