FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
