shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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