I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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