Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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