I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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