im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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