he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
