am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
