Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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