hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
