I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
