i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
