he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
