Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize