Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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