I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
