I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
