i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
