I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
be right there i have to get my cape
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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