Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize