i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
