this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
