You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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